DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my shit smells like andre
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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