I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
