she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
