We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
