This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
