you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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