I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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