there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
