Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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