i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
