I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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