i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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