my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
