Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
