3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
