11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
