she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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