U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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