Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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