I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
