i already hear my dad disowning me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
