shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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