mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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