No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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