Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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