I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Green mimosas i think yes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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