You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
