Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
