ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had sex on a roof
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
