he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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