Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
