i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
