So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
