i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i love accidental penises.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
