guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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