he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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