I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
