my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am one with the molecules
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
