..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
