i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
