im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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