I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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