Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
