haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
