Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
