i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
