Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is the high leading the old right now
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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