I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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