Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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