Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
