"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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