I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize