awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
