I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
