I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
