I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize