Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize