I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
