Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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